Stuck at The In-Between
What do I do when I can't move forward, and the Japanese concept of Ma
Writing comes in seasons to me. I’ve been struggling to write in the past weeks, and the thing is, I don’t know why. Having a part of me thinking that I should be doing something else productive other than writing doesn’t help either. Tell me, is writing productive or does it serve as just an emotional/creative release? What is the meaning of doing something (in this case, writing) if nobody sees the outcome of it or be impacted by it?
There is too much and nothing going on at the same time. There is much less to do at work these days, seeing that I’ve tendered my resignation to prepare for our upcoming relocation. Perhaps this has thrown me off balance because in a way now I feel lost.
But at the same time, there is much to do with regards to our move—but I can’t do it alone and I have yet to find the time to align with the husband. (Believe it or not, there are days where we go without being able to speak to each other for even 10 minutes. I miss us.)
So now I am stuck in this place I call The In-Between.
If I can’t be inspired to write, I’ll wait for this season to pass, just as I have every time it’s happened before. What does one do at The In-Between? I’d say one, some, or all of the following:
eat a slowed down breakfast (today I am having milo and digestive biscuits)
be in my favourite spot a lot (at home it’s either my dining nook or the balcony when it’s quiet and the weather allows for it)
cut myself some slack (it’s OK to be doing nothing—in fact, doing nothing is an art)
read (even if it’s only 3 pages, or if I switch between authors)
have a meal at my favourite cafe or restaurant (oh how my life has levelled up that I even have a favourite cafe)
admire and appreciate the sky (I will always be in love with Miyazaki-esque clouds and the Japanese concept of Ma)
look at recently-taken photos
spending time with the family, be it school runs, being fully present at dinnertime or playing before it’s bedtime
window shopping and spending time at my favourite bookstores
thinking up places we could visit as a family and checking out these destinations
remind myself that taking breaks like these are how I recharge and then be able to contribute again later on—when it counts
remind myself that society’s expectations of me are not my expectations of myself
I find having a mix of activities—nothing close to being productive by Asian standards—helps to bring some form of order to my brain. It quietens the buzz of pretend busyness and takes me away from the noise that seems to have seeped in while I wasn’t noticing.
Although I’m not in a rush, I hope this season washes away for me to emerge from The In-Between, renewed with inspiration, motivation and fresh eyes. For now, I’ll feed myself with what my body and mind need in order to feel like themselves again.
